secrets

by Allison Crowe

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1.
04:01 video
How Long Words & Music by Allison Crowe It took me so long to understand who I needed to be for myself and it took me too long to realize that I didn't need anybody else so now I'm sitting here in silence and all I can feel is regret and it seems to be so easy for you now but its not so easy for me to forget how long do I have to wait here? you leave me standing in the cold how long will it take you to remember while you're still alive and growing old I'm the only one who cares about you so roll me over shut me out if that's what you feel possessed to do whatever helps to get you through the night yeah it may kill me but I'll still love you how long do I have to wait here you leave me standing in the cold how long will it take you to remember while you're still alive and growing old I'm the only one who cares about you I am I am the only one I am I am... how long do I have to wait here you leave me standing in the cold how long will it take you to remember while you're still alive and growing old I'm the only one, I am the only one I am you leave me standing in the cold how long will it take for you to realize that I am gone?
2.
Raining In Baltimore Words & Music by Steve Bowman, David Bryson, Adam Duritz, Charlie Gillingham, Dave Immergluck, Matt Malley As performed by Allison Crowe The circus is falling down on its knees Big top is crumbling down It's raining in Baltimore fifty miles east Where you should be, no one's around I need a phone call I need a raincoat I need a big love I need a rain coat These train conversations are passing me by And I don't have nothing to say You get what you paid for But I just had no intention of living this way I need a phone call I need a plane ride I need a sunburn I need a raincoat And I get no answers And I don't get no change It's raining in Baltimore, baby But everything else is the same There's things I remember, there’s things I forget I miss you I guess that I should Three-thousand five-hundred miles away And what would you change if you could? I need a phone call, maybe I should buy a new car I can always hear a freight train, baby, if I listen real hard And I wish, I wish it was a small world ’cause I'm lonely for the big towns I'd like to hear a little guitar I guess it's time to put the top down I need a phone call I need a raincoat I really need a raincoat I really, really need a rain coat I really, really, really need a rain coat I really need a raincoat
3.
05:28
Philosophy Words & Music by Allison Crowe Rain has always fallen silently in my mind and its built up so high that I'll drown in my own faults and when I stop breathing maybe I'll be taken to a place where I can be of some use now tell me baby, is this not like me I can't be here now and I don't want your eyes reaching mine I don't understand why all you had you had to leave behind I can't stay here now and I wish my plans were only residential so I will tell you now that baby I am not unique so I will empty my veins so my blood can no longer run cold and my voice will cease shrieking so you can't disagree I will try to fly and if I don't make it at least I'll know that I didn't have to watch myself fail again well I have got to go I can walk into the sea and open my eyes so I can't see and I can feel you rush in to me and I am drowning and I am free
4.
03:58 video
Midnight Words & Music by Allison Crowe At midnight I open up my door and I say, "hey, well why don't you just go and see what happens then?" and I don't know exactly what it is I'm trying to prove all I know is this is just what works for me right now But then I come back down... maybe in a minute, or two... and you're already gone. And I know that I can be cruel and I don't always have a reason for it you could ask me over and over again... and all I'd say is "NOTHING" but I guess you saw me sitting on the road in the middle of a rain-storm crying and I still don't know why it seemed like a good idea at the time... In my soul is water earth and air and fire all the things that make us whole and fuel all of your desire but water can drown and earth can quake and fire can burn you out... and I guess you know that, well... I know you know that wind can blow you away
5.
04:18
Immersed Words & Music by Allison Crowe I will fight you Every step of the way No matter what you do Or what I have to say Kicking and screaming Just drag me out of here I will cause you sorrow And I will not endear So wait, oh, no, no, no you can't go I thought you said you'd know No? I didn't think so I am wide-awake And immersed in confusion Bare boned and busted up And lost in disillusion If I had just one Little spark inside of me I wouldn't be so scared Of the dark side of me I refuse to be something that I'm not Just to be who you are Just to get what you have got I won't accept restraint And I will not hide behind fear Yeah, I will be afraid But I'll stand up I will stay right here So wait, oh, no, no, no you can't go I thought you said you'd know No? I didn't think so I am wide-awake And immersed in confusion Bare boned and busted up And lost in disillusion And if I had just one Little spark inside of me I wouldn't be so scared Of the dark side...
6.
Secrets Words & Music by Allison Crowe verse 1 you know I hold these in and I take them for myself I'm covered in guilt but it's not my own there isn't any reason for me to feel like I'm dying I'm done with being afraid I'm done with lying chorus: and I am not an angel I'm more like Mona Lisa there's something hiding in me there's always something behind my smile and I know that I'm not perfect and maybe I am the court jester I'm the life of the party and I know too much about the court... I have these secrets that aren't my own verse 2 so take this how you want to I'm not here to judge you I just want to be in love with you I just want to forget myself i want to just be ignorant please take this pain away from me down to the river and out to the sea down to the river and out to the sea chorus: and I am not an angel I'm more like Mona Lisa there's something hiding in me there's always something behind my smile and I know that I'm not perfect yeah, I am the court jester I'm the life of the party and I know too much about the court... I have these secrets that aren't my own verse 3 it's too far to reach. but I'm too scared to let go. it's too close to ignore but I feel so far away now I'm crawling in the ceiling I'm scratching through the walls I'm trying to scream but my own hand is on my throat chorus: And I am not an angel I'm more like Mona Lisa there's something hiding in me there's always something behind my smile and I want to be like Venus to just bare it all and face the world but I'm tangled in these blankets I'm caught in between the lines I have these secrets that aren't my own
7.
04:29 video
Montreal Words & Music by Allison Crowe Spent a little time in Montreal With a fire in the sun Smokescreen covering Over the entire city And you know I think that I saw you In a different light Whether or not It was the wine A quiet determination Maybe something or someone That you didn't know existed in you And I think that I loved you Even more So come on Follow me down the alleyway Upside down sign is hanging upright In the door Sitting on the steps in Montreal I'm waiting for you To spread your wings Rage building Held under by a desire To understand And I think I got it The mystery that I saw in my dreams Became you in the flesh Bones and all S' come on, Follow me down the alleyway Upside down sign is hanging upright In the door Sitting on the steps in Montreal I'm waiting for you To spread your wings You just sat there In the background on the canvas Watching me Knowing every little fear Phobia and twitch Quietly laughing to yourself Keeping me inside you Away from the fear Surrounding me Come on, Follow me down the alleyway Upside down sign is hanging upright In the door Sitting on the steps in Montreal I'm waiting for you To spread your wings...
8.
Sea of A Million Faces Words & Music by Allison Crowe I pulled a knife on myself today I don’t know what I was thinking All of these words trapped inside my head I feel like I’ve been drinking And I know you don’t want to see Me this way... In a sea of a million faces I feel so alone I only have you to hold on to So please don’t go, don’t go. And so I walk through the moonlit streets But the light evades me Lost in the darkness of endless nights I am cold and I’m afraid and I wish that I could see... you this way too... In a sea of a million faces I feel so alone I only have you to hold on to So please don’t go, don’t go I would have crawled for ten thousand days Just to get back to you With dirty knees and a wind torn face I don’t know what I’m supposed to do And I don’t ever want To see you this way...
9.
What About You Words & Music by Allison Crowe So you're weary now from the company you keep lay down your head and go back to sleep back to sleep Just wait till the end it will be worth it I swear so hold on, my friend we're almost there Chorus: Step back for a moment and watch what's going on around you you're so concerned with pleasing everyone what about you? I woke up at half past 12 half in and out of dreaming I could barely hear but I think that I was screaming I tried to call out to you be careful, they're right behind you but you turned to me and said, I'm dying and it's too late for anyone to save me Chorus: Step back for a moment and watch what's going on around you you're so concerned with pleasing everyone what about you? repeat So you're weary now from the company you keep lay down your head and go back to sleep...
10.
Joan of Arc Words & Music by Leonard Cohen As performed by Allison Crowe Now the flames they followed Joan of Arc as she came riding through the dark no moon to keep her armour bright, no man to get her through this dark and smoky night. She said, "I'm tired of the war, I want the kind of work I had before, A wedding dress or something white to wear upon my swollen appetite." “Well, I'm glad to hear you talk this way, I've watched you riding every day and there is something in me that yearns to win such a cold, such a lonesome, heroine”. "And who are you?" she sternly spoke to the one beneath the smoke. "Why, I'm fire," he replied, "And I love your solitude, I love your pride." "Well, then, fire make your body cold, I'm going to give you mine to hold." And saying this she climbed inside to be his one, to be his only bride. Then deep into his fiery heart he took the dust of Joan of Arc, and high above all these wedding guests he hung the ashes of her lovely wedding dress. It was deep into his fiery heart he took the dust of Joan of Arc, and then she clearly understood if he was fire, oh, she must be wood. I saw her wince, I saw her cry, I saw the glory in her eye. Myself I long for love and light, ' must it come so cruel, must it be so bright?
11.
Whether I'm Wrong Words & Music by Allison Crowe Don't want to raise my head The world is covered in rage Voices calling out in anger Entering erratically into another age Shadow puppets on the wall I don't know who to believe In the darkness standing tall With a smile upon your face And I have a right, to have a voice, have a say Whether I'm wrong, or whether I'm right It doesn't really matter anymore You've put up a wall We've put up a fight And now it seems we've forgotten What all that was for Whether you don't want to Or whether you can't see What is right in front of your face Time is running out And we're already losing ground With the human race I don't want to raise my hand I don't know why I'm scared to say Feel like I want to call out Feel like I want to run away And I don't know why anyone Should have to suffer anymore I don't know a whole lot of anything But I do wonder what all of this is for And you have a right, too To have a voice, have a say Whether I'm wrong Or whether I'm right It doesn't really matter anymore You've put up a wall We've put up a fight And now it seems we've forgotten What all of that was for Whether you don't want to Or whether you can't see What is right in front of your face Time is running out And we're already losing ground With the human race

about

Allison Crowe recorded this solo, singer-songwriter, album in 2004. First setting up a home studio, Allison engineered and assisted with production (alongside Rainer Willeke of Canadian r'n'b combo, Soul Station). Allison performs all vocals (lead and harmonies), plays piano, guitar, keyboards and added percussive 'thumps' to the collection.

secrets contains a mix of tunes from Allison's "band days" (some of which are radically redefined), freshly-penned songs, and a couple of choice picks from other artists: Counting Crows' brooding "Raining in Baltimore" ~ the first song Allison performed when she launched her career as a singer-songwriter; and "Joan of Arc", a shining exemplar of Leonard Cohen's poetic brilliance.

Guest artists contributing to secrets are: Del Crowe (guitar); Jo Lundstrom (accordion); Eric Reiswig (Uilleann pipes); and Rainer Willeke (tambourine).

credits

released May 5, 2004

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Allison Crowe Corner Brook, Newfoundland and Labrador

"Why music?" "Why breathing?"

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